I get asked a lot of questions which seem like they should have obvious, easy answers, but simply do not, and it puts me in a kind of existential headspace all the time. A good example came today, when I was able to access my youtube channel long enough to upload and schedule a video I'd been trying to when I lost access the other day. Someone asked if I'd regained access to the channel, and I didn't know how to answer.
In recent conversations with my friend, I realized that I have a tendency to think of everything in terms of it's stage in a process--how the current moment came out of the previous one, and where it is on the way to creating the next moment. Were I to have access to my account without issue for two straight weeks I would probably think I was “out of the woods” for the time being; but I have learned that getting comfortable is entirely the incorrect response to positive feedback in your career. Paranoia is the only correct state for a youtube channel, and having the power as an individual that you can live through incessantly losing one is core to doing this long-term.
When I say I was logged in “long enough,” I do so because I never get kicked out of the account the second I get on. On my phone and Ari's computer where I frequently use my account I was logged out and haven't been allowed to log back in; but for whatever reason I remain logged in on the Brave browser on my desktop—even after I get kicked out of the account every time I try to go into the channel dashboard instead of just watching videos from the home page and sub feed.
Several times I made it to starting the upload before it tried to kick me out, and I watched the upload bar go to 100% in the background behind the prompt telling me to log in again! But when I went to the dashboard, no new video was listed. The entire time I was making the successful upload I was just waiting to get randomly kicked out, and I still will be for a while. So maybe my account is back, or maybe I'll be locked out again. It is impossible for me to know until whatever happens happens.
I love answering questions about myself, and have always been quick to answer any questions I can when I know how immediately, but I think I dug my own grave being so eager to answer people when it leads to the expectation that it's a thing I can and will do in all circumstances. I hope askers can be patient with the time it sometimes takes me to find answers!
"have learned that getting comfortable is entirely the incorrect response to positive feedback in your career" 👀👀 I may or may not be in this exact situation,,,,,
of course! 👍👍