"Pathetic Gloating Villain" Playlist
One of my favorite musical micro-genres.
One of my favorite types of song to sing along to is what I call the “pathetic gloating villain song.” Plenty of music touches on being a bad person or being pathetic, but usually there is some aspect of self-awareness and self-condemnation inherent to the lyrics. It is rare outside of concept albums (where a lot of these songs come from) for a songwriter to not only completely embrace portraying themselves as a villain, but a pathetic loser of a villain at that. It may be hard to know what I mean without looking at the songs themselves, so let’s dive into them.
He Said He Had A Story, by The Dear Hunter
In the context of the band’s sweeping 5-album narrative, this is the point when the main character (not singing in this song) is fighting in World War I, and meets a commanding officer who may or may not be his absentee father. The man tells a disturbing story in this song about a time he visited a prostitute who begged him to “be soft and sweet to (me), this life has not been good you see,” before he smiles, reminds her that he paid her well, and then ‘uses her up.’ It’s a dirty, seedy song that revels in the very worst of male sexual behavior and it is amazingly fun to sing.
The Hounds, by The Protomen
This is the big villain turn song for Dr. Wily (yes, the Mega Man villain), whereupon he accuses his old work partner Dr. Light of murdering his own wife (which Wily actually did), knowing Light is too broken to defend himself, and sends the entire city on a witch hunt after him. It’s upbeat, fun and frantic, and all builds to this massive ranting diatribe in the middle, wherein Wily reveals how this evil has been bubbling under his surface all along and he was just waiting to “plug this city in.”
You’ll Be Back, from Hamilton
Probably the best-known and most-clearly tongue-in-cheek song on this playlist, it’s literally from the perspective of King Charles III reacting to America’s declaration of independence with snarky derision and promising to annihilate everyone if they deny his “love.” Even though the light, jaunty tone and our knowledge of history (and the rest of the play) undercuts our ability to take him completely seriously, it’s also the most threatening of these songs because he is completely capable of sending those battalions (and did).
Day Sixteen: Loser, by Ayreon
The Human Equation is a concept album about a guy in a coma having a conversation with his emotions about his entire life to figure out why he can’t wake up. In this track, his father (played by Devin Townsend) arrives at his hospital bed, not having seen him in some 20 years, just to gloat at him and remind him how his mother died. It’s pure, seething cruelty, ending in an explosion of the main character realizing that his father is a real piece of shit whose opinion never should’ve mattered to him. It’s a really fun track to sing once more, and also has a heavy didgeridoo presence.
Cigaro, by System of a Down
Finally breaking away from concept albums, this is less of a singular villain song, and more of a parodical perspective from all of society’s biggest villains—the big boys in charge. The “cruel regulators smoking cigaro, cigaro, cigar.” If you remember this song though, it’s almost certainly for the first and main lyrics, with Daren screaming “my cock is much bigger than yours! My cock you walk right through the door!”
Smooth Sailing, by Queens of the Stone Age
Rather than some big, theatrical villain, this song seems to come from the perspective of a more casual, white collar piece of shit. QotSA has plenty of songs about being a relatively pathetic piece of shit (I’m Designer is another favorite) but this is their most fun and slick. The music video directed by Hiro Murai does a great job bringing out the character of the song and gives real Tim Robinson sloppy steaks vibes.
Atomic Garden, by Bad Religion
This one is from the perspective of a US president sitting on a stockpile of atomic bombs and wishing he had more. It’s less braggadocios than the other songs because it’s more so pathetically complaining about dissatisfaction with being the ultimate superpower and still wanting more—creating a chaotic irony that becomes deeply troubling as the song builds in frantic intensity.
Purple Yellow Red And Blue, Portugal. The Man
PtM is like QotSA in having lots of songs about being a pathetic asshole (this album is called Evil Friends after all), but this one is most-explicitly about the desire to be exactly the kind of person that the other songs here are about being. “When I grow up, I wanna be a movie star or on TV, cause workin’ just don’t work for me.” By the end, he’s outright repeating, “I just wanna be evil.”
The Hills, by The Weeknd
Most of The Weeknd’s songs are about being a romantic villain, and combine some aspect of self-destructive narcissism and drugged-out fucklessness to give. The hook on this one pretty much says it all. “I only call you when it’s half-past five, the only time I’d ever call you mine; I only like it when you touch me, not feel me—when I’m fucked up, that’s the real me.” It’s a lot darker and heavier than most of these, too.
Revenge, by Mindless Self Indulgence
Most MSI songs are a little too hilariously self-effacing to qualify as real ‘villain’ songs, but Revenge is explicitly about being dumped on in school and seething with desire to dish it back. Prom is a pretty similar song concept, but not as directly clear with its intent toward, well, vengeance. Straightforward fun.
Macauly McCulkin, by The Fall of Troy
This schizophrenic, terrifying track is from the perspective of a psycho stalker getting ready to murder his girlfriend for ignoring him. It’s creepy enough, but midway it reaches a big rising tension moment not unlike The Hounds, but much more unhinged. “Maybe she forgot about our talks or maybe I’m mistaken, but I swear to god she’s not getting out of this without some kind of explanation—oh, I’m straining on your patience? Maybe scaring you a little? Just because I came to visit doesn’t mean you have to hide; I’ll be waiting on the side of your house with an empty body bag AND A LOADED FORTY-FIVE!! AND THEN YOU WON’T FORGET MY FUCKING NAME!!”
Let me know if you can think of any more songs like these—but please, no Disney villain songs. Not quite the same thing (tho Hellfire is close).